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Ten Years

Once a year, I look back at old entries. Each annual flashback is an attempt to put my life into perspective. Nowhere else do I have such tangible evidence of my past self's hopes, dreams, fears, and failures. Livejournal is the best indication I have of my own progression, each post a marker of maturation.

By nature, this site is now rooted in its past. Up against the immediacy of newsfeeds and tweets, the most crucial feature Livejournal posts can offer is a lifespan. Each post functions as an archived thought, rather than a current one. This site is meant to be read in the future, not right now.

I think of my past posts as cries for help directed at my future self. I find myself apologizing to my past self for not fulfilling its dreams, for not being where it wanted to be. More than anything though, I feel reassured. I may not have ended up on my desired path, but found myself on an even better one.

I will end with this. Not many people are fortunate enough to know exactly where they were and what they were thinking 10 years ago. I am. That's why I'm starting my Livejournal again. I'm not writing for my own sake, but for the sake of 35-year-old Paolo, who just might need a little perspective 10 years from now.

Love,
Paolo


P.S. Exactly 10 years ago, on March 31, 2003, these are things I wrote:

"after many days away from you, i have finally come up with an idea/thought/opinion worth noting... a public service announcement..."


"i may be premature in saying this, but im NOT GOING TO A GOOD COLLEGE"


"this is my goal, and it's been my ONLY GOAL besides getting a phd in psychology when i grow up..."

"i want there to be a reason for going to a school...a reason to be educated...cause right now, there is none...and most importantly, in the middle of all these conflicts coming at me together...i want to make sure that i have a reason to fucking try"

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
1blazeofglory
May. 22nd, 2013 01:04 pm (UTC)
I still look at (and love) livejournal. Thank you for being here!
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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